How To: The 3 R's of Rebounding

  Resiliency is the ability to rebound effectively. Whether from the loss of a relationship, job, business deal, medical diagnosis, sporting event, or finances, whatever it may be, life is going to knock you down and hand you setbacks from time to time - often when you least expect it, aren't prepared for it, or both.There are many natural tendencies that we have, unhealthy and often harmful ways we tend to try and deal with, or cope when faced with these setbacks or painful situations. If you are going to live a healthy, active life and continue to move forward on your own terms, regardless of circumstances outside of your control, you're going to need to have an effective strategy for bouncing back whenever the universe decides to throw you a change-up. These 3 R's provide an approach to getting back on track, in the most effective and healthy way possible when you're ready, regardless of what has knocked you down.

1. Refocus

The first and most important step to getting back on track when you have been derailed is to refocus. When something outside the norm of what we are used to or expect jolts us and affects us emotionally, it tends to also consume our mental focus. Actually, most of the reason we feel the way we do emotionally is because we are constantly thinking about things through a certain paradigm, or we're stuck on something specific in our head. This leads to us feeling the respective emotions and can leave us in an unproductive, unmotivated, depressed state. Tony Robbins says, "What you focus on, you feel." In other words, your emotional state is a direct reflection of your mental focus. However, we have the ability to change this state by consciously making an effort to constantly refocus the direction of our thoughts about the past events through a different paradigm right now, along with redirecting the focus of our thoughts towards our desired future. More on that later.

2. Regroup

Now I know what you're thinking, "yeah right Ryan, that's easier said than done." And like with most tools and techniques for self improvement and personal growth, you’re absolutely right. It is easier said than done, but it is possible, and fairly simple. The key is P+E+C. Plan + Effort + Consistency = Progress. Having a specific plan, putting forth effort and taking action, on a constant, consistent basis, is the formula for progress in any area of your life. We have all heard the phrase, “time heals all wounds”. Well those "wounds" take a little less time to heal if you’re making an effort to consistently follow a specific plan to get you back on track or headed in a new direction during that "time". So the key becomes what you do with the time that ultimately determines how long it takes those proverbial wounds to heal.

3. Reload

Earlier I mentioned “redirecting the focus of our thoughts towards our desired future”. What I was referring to was a paradigm shift. When you are upset or emotional about an unexpected change in your life, the chances are it has a lot to do with disappointment pertaining to expectations, plans, dreams, etc. You feel upset because there is now an internal conflict - your old ways of viewing, seeing, or thinking about your future do not apply to the new situation you now find yourself in. These feelings of hurt and frustration are magnified by the fact that we are helpless, having absolutely no control over changing past events. Since we cannot change events of the past, we need to refocus our effort on influencing what we do have complete control over, and that is how we perceive the past, how we currently interpret those events, and the meaning we currently give to them. This is all about tweaking your mindset.
The most effective way to deal with an old paradigm is to create a new one and replace it. When trying to change dis-empowering, negative, or irrational thought patterns, it is much easier to substitute them than it is to stop them. First, make an effort to find and give new meaning to those old events, something with a positive spin on it, something that empowers you. Find a way to view it that leaves you feeling like you are more, like you have learned from or benefited from the experience, and have grown as an individual. Second, not only do you need to address your old paradigm, but you need to create a new, more compelling vision of your future, what you want, and where you are headed. This process is critical because moving away from focusing on, and being consumed by past events is exponentially easier when you have a fresh vision that consumes your attention and elicits positive energy along with feelings of excitement and hope. This new vision will become the new focus of your mental and emotional energy, and will give your thoughts a productive place to go moving forward.

  Along with the 3 R’s above, there are four more R’s to consider when you find yourself facing adversity in a rebound situation. The following 4 R’s are things you want to make a conscious effort not to do, and how they can work against you in progressive stages, potentially leading to a mental and emotional roller coaster, that may derail or distract you, and ultimately prevent you from progressing.

Don't:

  Remember things (mental)

 -Sure you will be reminded at times, but intentionally reminiscing will lead to  

  memories about the past that will incite emotions, positive, negative or both.

  ↓

  Remorseful feelings (emotional)

 -Once you begin to experience any emotions or feelings relating to the past you
  may start to think about what you regret.

  ↓

  Regretful thoughts (mental)

 -These thoughts of regret and remorse could include thoughts about what you
   could have or should have done differently.
   ↓

   Relapse of emotions (emotional)

 - If you focus on irrational thoughts about the past you may psych yourself

   into having false hope about the past being different, or worse, you may 

   begin to have thoughts about what you can do now to "fix" the past.

   If you fall into the trap of emotional time travel then the present moment can become distorted and you lose sight of the acceptance that is necessary to remind ourselves of what really is. Not only do you lose sight of the reality that there’s nothing you can do about the past, but you also become distracted from what you can and need to do in the here and now, to not just move forward, but be happy while doing so. This process is designed to serve as a method to move you forward but in a way that focuses centrally on the fact that there is a forward, and life not only goes on, but can be even better than before. It's all about learning from our experiences while remaining focused, disciplined, and consistent, until that way of living becomes your new way of life.